


The Parabola Scar

by KeepingUpWithTheCowboys



Category: Night at the Museum (2006 2009), Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: AU, M/M, Mpreg, Non-Consensual Pregnancy, im sorry, junior au, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-09 15:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeepingUpWithTheCowboys/pseuds/KeepingUpWithTheCowboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was peace, beautiful, though harshly resembling a well planned antebellum.  No one stopped change in the museum, and no one felt the need to.  Octavius and Jedediah were content to spend their nights in a new-found frivolous loving haze, when someone decided it was time to change the rules.<br/>Existence is for observation and experimentation.<br/>The minuscule cowboy and centurion figurines were prime to be tested.<br/>-Effectively a Night at the Museum mpreg story.  Slightly and morbidly based off of Junior.<br/>Why? Because I wanted to prove I could do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Story He Liked To Tell

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to whatever the hell ive got here. have fun with this, emotions and hormones inbound.

**_Prologue_ **  


_Plastic figurines, or maybe wax. That was what the plaque said; inside the dioramas were minuscule historic reproductions of great persons as they once were. A passerby to the exhibit would often glance at the cowboys and Romans residing in the boxes, then pass on without thought to what they were like when they laughed, or cried, or sang drunken lullabies to one another. It simply was not something to think about, unless by some glorifying and imaginative child. This, though, could hardly have hurt the feelings of the tiny men, as ignorance was bliss and it just kept the secret of the museum even more carefully. No one imagined them laughing or crying or singing, because they would never have believed how much more emotion any little soldier could keep in his body, if only for one ranger from the box next door. Their secret well kept, any suspension of disbelief could now be put into place for any who do understand; and any who could keep their mind very open to something even more unbelievable than museum exhibits that came to life. This is a story of many unbelievable things, which will all be presented in time by the vessels of this tale, that very same Cowboy and Roman, Jedediah and Octavius._

**Chapter 1**

_Oh sweet Gods above, find me a way to forgive my sins._

        Octavius could hardly think cohesively while gazing onward on the happenings of the Western Diorama "Boomtown’s" Rodeo. Of course, as a General of his army, the Roman tended to stick like sap to his side of the exhibit, but today was certainly an exemplary day. The cowboys were done up salty, wearing ragged clothes on their bodies and dirt on their faces; it was riding day. Each wild westerner brave enough to put his sorry soul on one of the “bucking broncos” got an audience of applause and a mouthful of earth when he was, inevitably, bucked. Yet they always managed to get up, as some rugged way of keeping dignity; most of them did, anyway. Octavius, not in leather boots or a cotton shirt, quite stood out in the crowd of rowdy folk there. He knew that his good acquaintance was here today to dance his horse in this rodeo. No one rider had lasted more than thirty seconds on the clock yet. Octavius had been waiting for one cowboy; waiting for Jedediah. Now his eyes were as glued to the stage as his heart to his homeland, on a blond haired man who rode into glory with a glowing grin.

        Jedediah took much pride in his teeth, and by his friends and neighbors was assured he had the right. By his mother, he’d recall at moments like this, he had been told to “Flash those puppies, Jed. I know you’ll see those big crowds boy. Show ‘em your smile, one day it might be all you’ve got.” It was sure as hell all he had now. That and the hot exhibit light that all too well modeled the sun. He mounted his assigned steed, and set his grin, trotting idly into the ring. The whole crowd roared with chorus of fox whistles and cheers, and Jed sniffed humorously at the thunder. It was gratifying, and music to his dirty ears, but there was one hearty yell that he hoped would meet him, and in a small blinding flash he glimpsed the shining metal armor of the only Roman in the crowd. His call was the only one in the stands who gave not a whoop, but a war call; it was Octavius. The crowd-pleaser’s grin grew into a good mannered smile, and he whistled for the guards to open the gate. The bronco underneath him began to rock, and he whooped a “YEE-HAW” before rocketing out onto the field.

…

        _That was three years ago_ , Octavius would muse. He’d laugh, and put his arms around his partner, Jedediah. The story of how they'd re-met after putting aside their differences seemed to be the general’s favorite to tell, and though sometimes Jed felt like he exhausted the same words and jokes of the tale, he never got tired of reliving the moments in which he had come to really know Octavius. Their union of “partnership” had created quite a strong bond between the two factions of the exhibit, though the true nature of their relationship was known only to the two. Jedediah often found it incredible that Octavius could, again and again, speak of his deep affection for him in front of others and keep them so sure that nothing romantic was occurring between the two. He was a magician in that sense, for sure, and he had even convinced the security guard Larry a while back that they were partners in crime, nothing more.

      Octavius was telling the story again. It had been quite a while since a new exhibit had been added, and the roman was delighted to be able to unwind his yarn for new members. These men were of some Asian descent, it seemed, and they looked on at Octavius chattering off the story with cold interest. “You say he is your partner?” The leader asked curtly.

        “Why surely! Honestly, he’s just as pushy as any other man-or woman!”  Octavius gently shoved Jedediah for effect. Normally this joke warranted some laugh, but the men looked on. They turned to each other, nodded, and looked back. “You are small, you are compatible. This will be easy.”

        Immediately Jedediah and Octavius found their bodies constricted by hands, being carried tightly and quickly away. “Unhand us you monster! Unhand us!” Octavius tried to call, muffled by the palm of the man carrying him. The man looked to his leader, “The have fight. Could this pose a problem, sir?” The man turned with a small, sick grin. “No, I like fighters, but we will need them quiet for the operation. Do you have the rag?” A woman appeared, bearing a dirty, off-white rag. Two small strips were torn off, and the woman tied each strip around the struggling figurines mouths. “A drug rag... and a gag.” She cackled. Octavius thrashed around for only five seconds more, and Jedediah tried to hold his breath yet still fell victim to the drugs effects.

        He gulped in air and the world went black.


	2. Evolution, By God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of the chapters probably won't be as long as the first one LOL ;):)

**Chapter 2**

        Two pairs of eyes opened to blinding white lights, and one set of vocal cords began to attempt a scream of agony.  Two small bodies were clamped to a plane white board in direct light.  Octavius shut his eyes hard to the brightness, grimacing at a severe uncomfort in his groin, but turned his head to the scream from beside him.  

        _Jedediah…?_  He thought to himself, growing terrified.  “JEDEDIAH!”  He yelled over.  His reply was simply more pained moaning, and immediately Octavius forgot all about his own hurting.  A slightly familiar, deep and rumbling laugh echoed above them.  “How was the procedure?”  It seemed to say.  “Oh, American, please do stop screaming.  My work is done.  It isn’t like I forgot to sew back your flesh.”  He laughed again.  “It will take only a day or two for your body to recognize the foreign tissues I… inserted.”  He seemed almost to be rattling off these notifications to himself more than to Jedediah and Octavius.  “As for the other effects of our little fun get together,” he continued, “you might feel differently for a while.  Think not on it too much and remember you are a very special little boy.”  The doctor looked directly at Octavius.  “See him through it, tiny General.  I will not have my experiments ruined.”  Then he turned and walked away, beckoning with his assistants from the shadows to follow.

        The scientist-doctors had returned to their exhibit, taking heed of Octavius’ previous friendly word to be there at sunrise.  In the small minutes before dawn, the woman assistant took the head Doctor’s shoulder.  “What sir....”  She stuttered,  “What, pray tell, did you do?”  He merely winked, “This, Song, is evolution.  And you know me; I’m a god.”

…

        “Jed...Jedediah!”  Octavius had been calling to the other man for quite some time, to him it seemed.  His fighting spirit was fading with his waking breaths as his voice grew more and more feeble.  Keeping his eyes closed against the destructive light, he shook his head and tried to rest for a second.  The mindless yelling over to Jedediah had been his only task that seemed of importance, yet now that he paused there was time to think.  

 _Okay, Octavius.  What is the problem at hand and how do we fix it?_  Obviously he was strapped to a board, as was Jedediah, which presented the largest problem currently. _I’m going to have to get out of these cuffs, strong as they may be._  

        He attempted to pull up at the wrist restraints, to no avail.  The cuffs at his ankles were next to be tried at, and one, he found, was slightly dislodged from the board behind him.  Gaining hope, he tugged with his whole body against the backing until the shackle came loose, and the general gave a whoop before remembering he needed to be quiet.  He aimed his free foot at the other shackle and kicked at it with all his might until he could pull out.  Feet free, he bent up his legs to push against the board and focused on one hand at a time, keeping in mind his fear for Jedediah as a driving force to get out.  “RRRAGHH!”  He yelled, forgetting his sentiments about quiet from earlier.  Finally one hand came free and the other soon followed.  Octavius laughed triumphantly and tried to stand up, but fell over not expecting the stiffness in his joints.  Recovering, he was now able to focus on Jedediah, top priority.  “JEDEDIAH!”  He yelled again, qualms with speaking now since long gone.  

        Stiff legs moved him towards the body of his partner, and with a gasp Octavius saw what would have been covered had the  “good doctor” remembered to pull down Jedediah’s shirt.  Normally a man of such strength and resistance, he nearly fainted at the sight of the bloody mess that now represented Jed’s torso.  In as brave a move as he could make, he rolled down the cowboy’s shirt and proceeded to work at freeing his hands and feet.  

        Jedediah had not spoken since they had first woken.  It occurred to Octavius in his current one-track-mind that _maybe_ checking for a pulse seemed a practical plan to carry out.  He placed the tips of his fingers to the side of Jedediah’s throat and sighed with quick relief at the faint beating he felt.  Now he finished fixing the restraints and pulled Jed out, hooking his arms under the man’s body to raise him up.  

        “It’s going to be alright, okay, alright…”  He found himself saying, as the stiff legs took them both back to home.

 


	3. Timorous Fury and Wishful Vengance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "haha i stabbed the tiny guy and messed with some dna lol its just for fun"

**Chapter 3**

 

        The two tiny crusaders barely made it back to their respective exhibits before sunrise,  when Larry the night guard would make a pass by every museum inhabitant to make sure it was in order and good condition.  Jedediah was propped up inside one of the cabins, made to look as if he were peacefully dozing, placed deliberately by Octavius so that the injured man was out of sight.  Octavius himself was greeted rapidly by his men upon a late return, many of the officers expressing their worry at his break in normal schedule.  “Everything is fine, my good men.”  He forced a smile and bid them fare sleeping.  Then he froze in his stance with the going wish that the museum goers would not see the fear in his eyes.

…

        When the moon rose and again all the exhibits from the museum returned to life, it was not the T-Rex’s mighty roar that came as the night’s first call.  Larry was just flipping on lights when the ripple of energy ricocheted through the building; followed only two seconds later by a small yet bloodcurdling screech.  Octavius was brought back into reality by this single expression of suffering, and knew immediately what was wrong.  “JEDEDIAH!”  He yelled, running to the other window box of figurines.  They all faced toward Jedediah’s cabin and Octavius made a run for it.  Inside was the contorted figure of Jedediah Smith, breathing hard with his head pushed to the wall.  Octavius ventured in a few paces, “Jededi-Jed!  It’s me, Octavius, I’m here-”

        “DON’T YOU TOUCH ME!”  The cowboy screamed.  He appeared to be sweating, and his adam’s apple danced in sobs.  It was a truly sorry sight, to see a brave man in misery this way.  Slightly startled and very afraid, Octavius turned to the door where many cowfolk and romans were gathered.  “You!”  He called out, trying to dispel the wavering in his voice.  “Be any of you doctors?”  Murmurs spread, though no one spoke up.  One little page-boy pushed though, “Sir, I’d get a telegram to ‘er if you’d like?”  Octavius shook the boy by the shoulders and kissed his forehead quickly, “Thank you, son!  Now let Mercury grant you swiftness.”  The boy raised an eyebrow but ran off, like the rest of the town hoping to do the great Jedediah and Octavius some good turn.  

        Hearing Jed moan again, Octavius turned around and began to go to his partner, but the sorry cowboy was blinded by fear and hurt, and he was yelled away.  “Jedediah, it’s me, Octavius!  I know you are in pain, but we have to fix things and the doctor will need to see you!”  Something about the word ‘doctor’ made Jed’s eyes go wide.  

        “NO!”  He screamed back, tipping over in adversity to the idea.  He lay there twitching and looked up to Octavius with a rabid gaze, unable to move any farther into the corner.  “Just hold on, Jedediah, hold on!”  He grabbed his partner's shoulders and kneeled over him.  “It is going to be okay soon.  See Jed?  It’s me, it;s Octavius.”  Finally something seemed to fit together for Jedediah.  A new wave of tears burst from his eyes, and he shut them as fast as he could.  He sniffed, trying to regain some of his dignity, and looked the roman straight in the face.  

        “Oc… I-I’m scared.”

        Octavius lost all of his sadness and fear in an instant.  This was more than a transgression against one of his friends; that sick man had broken a part of the man so strong and brave that the roman general trusted him with his life and always would.  No, he was no longer worried, or just upset.  In his heart there was fury.  “Jedadiah, I will avenge you.  Your town healer is coming to help you, but I am going to find the man who hurt you and obliterate him.  Is that clear?”  Jed nodded, and used one weak hand to shoo Octavius away, “Go, pardner.  And don’t you die on me, alright?”  The tiniest smile was there for a second on his face.  “Cause I aint’ quittin you.”  With that, he fell back into tired pain.

...

        Octavius was still on the prowl for the deranged doctors when he was stopped by Larry, who, in all good spirits, seemed very confused as to Octavius’ fury.  “Hey man, whats up?  What’s with the tiny frowny face, dude?”  The general did not stop walking, refusing to speak to Larry.  “Jeez, you uh… is everything alright over there in little-guy-town?  Should I be worried, or?”  He stopped slightly as Octavius paused and faced him, simmering.  “Why in Pluto’s name would you ever, EVER bring such a dangerous exhibit to this museum?”

        Larry took a knee beside the general and looked at him with confusion.  “Whadda you mean, Octavius?  We don’t have any new exhibits, save that one with the… with those guys…”  He stopped, remembering the historic doctors from WWII that had been brought in.  

        “What did they do?”  He looked into the smaller man’s eyes as Octavius took a deep breath.  “How does kidnapping and severe and unclean bodily harm sound?  And being held captive against our will?”  Larry creased his brow in disgust, shaking his head.  “Who is our, you and Jed?  Is Jed okay?”

        “NO, HE IS NOT ‘OKAY’, LARRY.  I DO BELIEVE HE’S DYING, AND I’M GOING TO KILL THE MAN WHO BROKE HIM.”  Large, angry tears started to pool around his eyes, but he blinked them away.  “I’ve… I’ve had enough with crying.  Just show me where that bastard is.”  Larry put up his hands, “No can do, look, they ship back out tomorrow night; it’s a two-day-only exhibit.  I can go talk to them now, though, if you think it would do anything?”  The roman’s eyes grew wide, “No!  Larry, do not risk yourself.  I hate that they are running like cowards, but to never see them again would be better for Jedediah.  Thank you for telling me, Larry.  How much time before sunrise?”  The night guard checked his watch and jumped a bit, “You’ve got three minutes.  Get back with Jed.”  And he was off.

        As much as Octavius had wanted to fight with the scientific perpetrators, he decided that if there was anywhere he should be at the time, it was with his partner.  He started at a run back toward the dioramas and was back within five minutes.  “SEND DOWN THE RUNGS!”  He called in his most stable voice to his men, and a group of his centurions threw down the wood ladder he often used to get out of the box.  Once up, he traveled to the Western side and saw that the crowd had mostly dissipated from the cabin.  It was a short distance that he covered in no time at all, but upon stepping into the door frame he was met with a hiss.  

        “You stay outta here, you rascal!”  Came an elderly female drawl.  It was, apparently, the boomtown’s doctor.  

        “Excuse me, miss, Jedediah here is my-” “I don’t care if he’s your primary god of worship, you crazy Roman.  Get outta here before I take you out of here!”  Octavius stood back, astounded.  “Could you at least tell me how he is doing?”  She spit hard on the ground and would have graced his ears with an irritated “No!” before looking up at the roman’s face.  There were creases in his brow, and he wore wide eyes; she realized that the waver in his voice was far more than deep concern.  She shut her eyes tight and turned back to the cowboy.  “Yer beau’s gonna be alright, son.  Whoever did it was professional, he just did a goddamn bang-up job cleaning Jed here up.”

        Hearing that Jedediah would be alright brought a smile to Octavius’ face and a tiny gleam to his eye.  He yelled a thank you as he ran outside again, finally with the weight of all the previous night’s problems lifting off his shoulders.  The doctor shook her head with a smile.

“Those homosexuals…”

 

 


	4. A Month and a Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a really average mpreg story. ill tell you this was a joke between a friend and i and then i thought well hell what if i wrote it. taadaa.

**Chapter 4**

 

        Jedediah was awake.  He felt alive by a clear fire that, if he had still bore veins, would have pulsed through him; though it was nothing compared to the excruciation he had felt the night before.  The pain found its epicenter in his lower stomach, yet thought the cuts were on his skin, it felt as though he was torn all the way through.  “But I'm alive.  I’m alive, sweet criminy I’m alive.”  The talking to himself was keeping him busy, and it did a good job to keep his mind grey of thoughts of Octavius.  He hadn’t even checked to make sure that his partner was alright, and it would drive him insane if he couldn’t keep his mind off him.  The pain seemed to come in waves, and finally as one pulse diminished, he took the chance to lift up his shirt and survey the damage.  

        A long, red line adorned with stitches stretched from above one hip to the other, forming a parabola away from Jedediah’s head.  Seeing it shocked him and he sucked in air quickly, causing a sharp pain to shoot deep through his abdomen, and he gave a small yelp, shutting his eyes tight.  In no time at all, the pain came in a wave and it all blended together.

        Footsteps began to sound from far away, getting louder by the second.  Jedediah looked up; in the light from outside, creating a silhouette over him, was Octavius.  The westerner smiled wide for the first time in two nights, “O-Octavius?  Octavius!”  It was all he could do not to cry again as Octavis rushed to Jedediah’s side, aiming to embrace him but stopping when he remembered his partner’s injury.  He took the other man’s face in his hands and leaned in close.  “Jedediah, are you alright?  Oh, what did they do, oh, Jedediah, I-”  Jed laughed quietly, “Don’t worry about it toga boy.  I promise I’m fine, but I could use a jump start, y’know…”  Octavius’ eyes went wide, then Jedediah winked and he smiled.  More gently that seemed possible for such a man, he reached forward to kiss the softly smiling lips of the cowboy.  Octavius leaned back, “Better?”  Jed did not open his eyes, but his face was content.  “Ah, Oc, I still feel like shit.  But it don’t matter none, no, it don’t matter, cause I got you.  Yeah, I’m better, yeah…”  He immediately remembered his fear for the other man, “But Oc, are you alright?”  The general nodded vigorously, “Yes, yes!  I am fine, though…”  He rubbed at his groin.  “Those bastards surely did not do, well... nothing.”  He blushed slightly and gave a smirk, while Jed looked on indignantly and pushed at the Roman’s groin himself.  “Now wait a minute, why would they be playin’ with things that don’t belong to them?”  The rest of the roman’s blood ran to his face, “Don’t dwell on it, Jedediah!  I’m alright and you’re alright and that’s what matters.”  The cowboy shrugged, with his winking grin flashing.  “Alright.”

…

        As if it were nothing, the incident was pushed to the back of everyone’s minds.  In the course of a month, there was recovery, and general normalcy returned to the lives of Larry and the miniatures.  The scientists were gone, sealed away back into the archives, and the only residue their evil presence left was the scar on Jedediah…

        Or so it seemed.

        After that month of sweet serenity, things went south again in the West.  Jedediah, though no longer in any sort of blood loss pain, seemed to be suffering a sort of early night oriented stomach flu.  He hated to admit it, but he was terrified of vomiting, and after 5 evenings of heaving and sobbing afterwards, he finally told Octavius.  The general, worried for his partner, had one of his men borrow his general’s armor and act as him in the display that day, so that he could sneak in with Jedediah and be right there with them in the evening when they came to life.  The tablet of Ahkmenrah began to glow as the sun had finally set, and Octavius woke next to the cowboy.  “Hey, g’mornin Oc- aAHGGHhh!”  Jedediah wrapped his arms around his torso and swore, “Damn, Octavius, damn damn daMN IT!”  

        He grabbed a bowl that he was keeping by the bed on which was offered to him, and promptly was sick.  The roman watched him and put his hand around the other man’s back, rubbing in small circles and doing his best to tell him it would be okay.  Finally, he seemed to finish, and his eyes were red and wet when he set the bowl on the ground.  Octavius fished around in his borrowed clothes for a handkerchief and found none, to his utter dismay.  Without armor, though, he was able to pull up his shirt and wipe off Jed’s mouth and chin.  “Look, see?  It’s over.  Nothing more to worry about!”  Octavius chirped in his most positive voice.  

        “Yer not the sick one.”  Jedediah grumbled, though he did feel it was nice to have the man he loved at his side and having his back, quite literally.  It was true, the general did not feel at all sick, save being worried sick.  “Do you have any idea what’s causing it?”  Jedediah groaned, “Ah, Hell if I know.”  Octavius chanced to glance down to Jedediah’s belly, and a passing thought made some small connection with the scar, but it was gone as soon as it had come.  “Would you like me to stay here, with you?”  He asked Jed.  The cowboy looked up and him and nodded, whispering a quiet “yessir.”

        Octavius woke up with Jedediah at every dusk after that, doing his best to get the sick man through each evening.  After a month and a half, he had been pushed past his own point of tolerance, and with some convincing from Octavius, he met up with the lady-practitioner of his town in the cabin again.  She was adamant that Jed get rest and drink plenty of water, but seemed to have nothing to say on what his actual sickness.  “You know, Jedediah, would could always let some of your blood…  I’m sure Ennius would have some leeches, if you…”  The roman trailed off at his partner’s expression of horror.  “Okay, definitely not bloodletting.”  The doctor stood up and began to put away her things, “No sickness can last for ever.  Tough it out, blondie.”  Jedediah frowned as Octavius walked him out of the cabin.  “Oc… she doesn’t know what’s wrong, does she?”  The other man turned to face him.  “None of us do, Jedediah.  Not as of now.”  He frowned, spitting on the ground.  “Damn.  You have any ideas, Romaine Lettuce?”  

        “Romaine Lettuce?  That’s a new one.  As for your current state, I seriously suspect those delirious medicine men weren’t working with clean tools, and you’ve got an infection.  It’s all I can come up with.”  Octavius shrugged.  “I’ve hardly seen symptoms like it anywhere, I mean, seperately I certainly have, but all together…”  Suddenly he stopped walking.  His eyes grew wide and blank, as if he were staring off at something far off in the distance.  Jedediah stopped to look at him, confused.  “S’everythin’ alright, pardner?”  The general smacked himself in the face and shook his head quickly.  “Y...yes!  Everything is fine…”  He was wary of his own brain beginning an argument based on the plausibility of such a strange coincidence.  Jedediah grabbed his arm, “Now, don’tchu lie to me.  Be honest.  What’d you think of?”

        Octavius turned to look the cowboy in the eyes.  “Your symptoms are beginning to remind me of something, but I’m no doctor, and it’s impossible.”  He turned back gruffly.  

        “Lets go home.”

 

 


	5. Revelationary

**Chapter 5**

        Word got around fast in the dioramas, and faster in the museum.  Jedediah hadn’t exactly kept quiet about his affliction, as it seemed to have become a rudimentary part of his everyday life.  Octavius had been unsure about so willfully distributing the information that his partner was harboring a potentially contagious disease, but the cowboy exercised his right to complain quite fully.  Whatever was ailing him, it ceased not as the days went on, and made it known to every cowboy or Roman who approached him, save Octavius, that he was “having a real shitty day, cause I’m still goddamned sick.  Go talk to someone else about their problems.”

        Disease was not particularly common in the museum, at first most all of the inhabitants believed they were impermeable immortals when Teddy Roosevelt survived being cut in half.  How funny it seemed, to catch a disease with no organs.  Many of the museum exhibits, though, were prone to pain often and in constant.  Teddy, whence asked, did admit he had been in a considerable amount of agony, but Sacagawea’s presence had helped him keep his head at the time.  This lead to more speculation by Larry, who was obligated to keep things know everything about his museum, and Ahkmenrah, who always took interest in finding more about himself and any of his friends. As it happened, in a test conducted by Ahkmenrah alone by himself, that some of the exhibits could consume both solid and liquid material.  Larry then asked Ahkmenrah why his organs were not elsewhere, at least in some canopic jars of any sort, and why if they were it was that he could eat and drink.

        He had no clue.  Larry decided to start pulling the “in theory” card.  In theory, Ahkmenrah had organs and therefore could eat.  In theory, Teddy had nerve endings that caused his “brain”  to interpret pain.  Thusly, in theory, any of them representing having had complex body systems could get sick.  

        Jedediah had been one of the first of them all to fall ill, though no one save Octavius and the good boomtown doctor, Grey, had seen the _blood_ that covered his torso from the incision.  That was absolutely the opposite of museum normals.  Octavius knew that his and Jedediah’s expeditions with the scientists had only been short lived in their memories, in real time, the scientists had probably put the westerner though a long, blood involved procedure.  Whatever they had done, they had needed to conjure blood, and by God they had done so.

        All of this in retrospect, and after 3 hours of hardcore thinking, Octavius realized that he had been chasing his own thought trails for long enough.  He was currently back in the Roman box, in his personal area of residence, trying to grasp the situation.  No, nothing made sense, but if the Tablet could give life to previously non-sentient beings, it seemed not at all too far fetched to assume it could grant them some levels of bodily function.  The Roman was still contemplating what in Hell could have been affecting his partner, and after his previous epiphany walking home, he was starting to employ the idea that it was not simply a disease.  That epiphany, as much as it was really the only affliction he could figure to cause Jedediah all his problems, was still insane, so he tried to put it in the back of his head.  

        Hard as he tried, remembering the scar on Jed’s lower belly made the horrifying idea so much more… probable.  Finally, he gave up, letting the thoughts flood his mind, and bruisings on his genitals began to hurt again.  This could explain everything.  Jedediah had experienced days of abdominal pain, due to a stomach problem induced by incision and probably insertion of blood laden materials.  Whatever had been put in was something that his body was not used to, plastic or “living”, and that had caused the initial pain.  Then came the actual sickness, focused towards the moments after the westerners awakening in the evening…  His irritability as coupled with friendly conversation all the time in constant swings-

        It really did all fit together.

        _But how in the world could he… I mean, he doesn’t… he’d need… who’s…_  Generally, in this normal case of life, two people were involved.  If there is general speaking, these two people would be man and woman, yet…  

        In his place, Jedediah was not the man.  That meant another male had taken part in the experiment…  He, sitting, crossed his legs and looked towards the ceiling.

        “Oh, Jupiter, give me strength.”  He fainted.

…

        The next night, when Octavius awoke again, his first breath brought him the memories of the day before, and he decided that in retaliation to unproductivity of his discussion the other night, he would confront the problem first by coming to terms with it.  He stood up, doing his best to brush out the crinkles in his cape, and straightened his back as well as it could be straightened.  His room became the ground in front of his partner as he started to stroll, and he stopped in front of a pillar that in his mind’s eye looked very much like the troubled Jedediah.  

        “My dearest Jedediah… I have really been thinking on the symptoms of your ailment as of recent, and I certainly can’t help but notice how much I am reminded of back when…”  He paused, wording this carefully turned out to be rather difficult.  “I had wives and mistresses back in my heyday of Rome.  This means I also had, well… children.  All of my ladies experienced certain personal changes during the courses of their p…”  He stumbled slightly. “-pregnancies.  You are exhibiting some of those traits, and I simply was wondering if-”

         “Sir?”

        One of the centurion guards had edged his way into the room.  The general stopped immediately, quivering at the thought of the other man hearing any of what he said.  “Yes?  What is it, boy?  I’m… I’m extremely busy!”  The young man bowed his head quickly. “Sir, I’m sorry, I apologize, it’s just, it’s Jedediah.”

  _Oh gods no._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh snap he figured it outttt


	6. Swinging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things go down. if the bit discussing being Bipolar is offensive, please alert me and I will try to correct it. now lets screw jedediah over >:D

**Chapter 6**

_Something’s wrong, it’s always been wrong, I’m wrong; maybe nothing is right.  I’m brave, that’s a lie, I’m terrified.  I can see them LOOKING at me.  That’s terrifying.  I don’t know what to think, even if I did, I can’t control myself.  Where’s Octavius.  Where’s Jedediah.  I am Jedediah.  I’m scared._

        Anyone who saw him either ran or stood and stared.  All of the miniatures had awoken, and it was not long before some of the western exhibits resident cowboys found their leader in the small box house he often took to staying the day inside.  Unlike the other many mornings in which they found him wrecthing into a barrel, he was on the floor, in a corner, eyes wide and glazed.  His lips were trembling and his breaths came short and fast.  By his eyebrows and his slightly parted mouth, he expressed a wordless kind of fear.  His compadres jumped to notify the Romans, and in turn their general.  The word was passed swiftly, and Octavius took off, no longer caring that he had been interrupted.

        Dirt billowed into the air as the Roman skidded to a halt in front of the small room.  Inside, he was able to make out Jedediah in the darkness, huddled and shaking his head, rocking back and forth.  He stepped in with caution towards him, taking a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.  “Jedediah…  Jedediah!” He hissed in a whisper.  The other man started, and gazed wildly up at him.  Instead of pushing him away, he grabbed the general’s arm by the metal guard and held it tightly.

        “J-Jed, are you alright?”  Octavius gasped as he was pulled down.  The cowboy’s eyes were flickering all over the room, and when they finally did rest on him, they were at best uneasy.  

        “I don’t know I don’t know, Oc, oh God.  I ain’t sick no more, no more, that’s great!  But, but… oh God something is wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong wrong-”  “JEDEDIAH.”

        He seemed to shrink at the Roman’s interjection.  “I’m sorry,” Octavius continued, “but you have to tell me exactly what is wrong before I can fix it.  Alright?”  Jed nodded, sheepishly trying to control his breathing again.  “S’... s’jus my head, I c-”  He faltered and Octavius grabbed his shoulder. “I-I’m fine.  I’m alright.  But I…  I can’t think straight, Ockie.  And d-don’t you make none a’ yer homo jokes, that ain’t what I mean.”  He paused for a moment of breathing and went on, “It’s like one minute I’m feelin’ some sorta high n’all, and the next my ears’r ringin n’ tellin’ me m’worthless and…”  He was still gripping tightly to Octavius, holding him as close as he was able.  “N’ I’m scared, t-toga boy.  I ain’t sick no more, but I’m really really scared.”  The Roman let his partner cling to him and embraced him tightly as well.  “It’s going to be alright, Jedediah.  It’s just your mind, I promise you, and whatever is ailing you, this is just another symptom.  He paused in his speech, though he did not let go.

        The evening’s first thoughts bombarded him again.   _What does this have to do with it?  He’s having a borderline bipolar episode, this does not fit- Bipolar.  A pendulum of moods.  Almost to say they were swinging._

        Oh, it made sense alright.  It made so much sense that there was no longer a doubt in his mind.  Octavius’ breath caught in his throat and he made a choking noise over Jedediah’s shoulder.  The cowboy tensed in his grasp, “Wh-what is it, Oc?!”  His voice was like a bad reception signal, cracking and wavering, with the human tint of fear.

        Octavius, keeping his hands firmly on Jedediah’s shoulders, leaned back to look him in the eyes.  “I… I figured something out, Jed.  But I’m going to wait to tell you until you are in a slightly better mental state.  Do you under-”

        “Tell me!” His eyes were fiery, but they soon receded to being dusty blue ashes once more.  Then, as he were sliding down from anger into sadness, they filled with tears and he blinked at them harshly.  “Oc, Oc I’m sorry, why’d I do that, I’m sorry…”  He wiped fervently at the tears, wishing they would cease.  “Y-you can t-tell me when you think I’ll take it better… A-alright?”  

        Octavius just looked on at his partner with worry.  “I certainly will, Jedediah.  I love you.”  He kissed the cowboy’s forehead.  “Don’t let that brain of yours ever doubt that I love you.” _The best thing to do is to hold him again_ , the general decided.  And that was just what he did.

…

        Jedediah did not calm down for a while.  Three hours later, he was in a nearly stable state that Octavius could not decide was sleep or an actual emotional balance.  When he rubbed his back and the cowboy started to shiver again, it became very apparent that Jedediah was currently incredibly fragile.  In fact, with only a few cowboys stopping by to gawk at the two, Octavius had held him all night and was prepared to hold him forever if need be.  After they froze and awoke the next night, though, the troubled man seemed calmer and ready to hear out Octavius’ idea on whatever was affecting him.

        “I swear ta’ God, Oc, I’m fine now.  I’unno what the hell was up with me yesterday, but I’m fine.  Now what’d you think was- _is_ up with me?”

        Octavius tried to smile and take a deep breath, rubbing at his temples.  “So, you… obviously have been experiencing some strange symptoms of whatever this is, yes?”  Jedediah sniffed, “Damn right I am!  What is it Oc, c’mon!”

        The Roman slid his hands down his face, “Jed, it’s… This is going to be very hard to explain.”  The cowboy shrugged.  “Jus’ go for it!”

        He took a deep breath and sighed.  “All of your symptoms seem very reminiscent of those harbored by a… a…” His voice grew quiet and mumbling, “A p-pregnant woman.”

        Jedediah blinked.  “Sorry there, kemosabe, coud’ja repeat that for the back of the class?  Didn’t catch whatcha said at the end there-”

        “YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A PREGNANT WOMAN.”  

        Jedediah sat back, his mouth falling open.  “Acting… What’s the way ‘m actin tell ya about me bein' sick?  I mean, jus… what?  Are you goin crazy up in there, toga boy?”  Octavius stood, rigid.  “It isnt just acting.  It’s behavior in accordance to an event, a happening, you didn't forget the little trip we took with those scientists, you saw and felt what they did to you, was that pain acting?”

        The cowboy looked at him with an incredulous eye and a mouth hung slightly open in disbelief.  “...What’re you on about, Oc?  That had nothin… nothin ta’ do with it, I mean… It’s an infection, ain’t that what you said?”  Fear was trickling back into his voice.  Octavius sighed again, “That was what I thought before.  I figured it out last night.  You’ve been sick as a dog, your emotions are on an absolute free-for-all, and all of that pain… They cut you open and did some dirty work, which involved some living tissue and my own genetic material.  They must have used it to fertilize the e-”

        “Now wait a God damned second.  You’re telling me that you think those crazy doctors did some real screwin ‘round inside of me, n’ now I’m…”

        “Pregnant.  A baby insi-”  “Shut it!  I know what it means dammit, but I don’t think you do. It’s a ladies thing.  A.K.A., not natural to a man and not happening to me.”  Octavius was losing his grip, he did not want to be angry.  He just wanted Jed to understand.

        “Was having your stomach sliced open and meddled with _natural?_  Was being in excruciating pain for three nights at least _natural?_  Was a month and a half of peace and then your violent illness _natural?  No disease incubates that long_.”  Jedediah was afraid.  He closed his eyes and shook his head, “NO!”  He yelled.  “You’re crazy, this is crazy, we’re museum exhibits for God’s sake!  Made of plastic-”  “And very much alive at night!  Look, Jedediah, I’m as confused and scared as you are, but you have to believe me because I have no other idea of what the hell is wrong with you!”

        Finally the cowboy was quiet.  “I don’t believe it, I don’t…”  He whispered to himself, curling up.  “Th… there’s no way…  Octavius, _why_?”  The general shook his head, “I don’t know why, Jedediah, I don’t.  But I’m serious now…  This is really happening.”  The cowboy’s eyes had returned to a blank stare.  “I… I guess so.”  He suddenly looked up to Octavius frightfully.  “I’m a freak, I…”  He grew even more quiet, “Y-you’re not gonna leave me… are ya?”  Octavius cocked his head, then smiled and laughed a little; something dry, sarcastic, sadistic.  “No, Jedediah, of course not!"  His voice creaked with tired tones, and he simply laughed again.  

        "I still love you more than the world, and like I suggested before,” he made a little waving motion with his hands, “it’s my baby too.”

  
        “IT’S _WHAT_??”


	7. Takes Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. sorry this took so long. ive been making art LOL and doing a lot of things but IM HERE. also enjoy awkward scenes where literally no one knows what's happening

**Chapter 7**

        It was time to play a game.  Do tell, don’t tell, a bitter argument between the miniatures fear of their future and the moral abandonment that could follow a reveal of Jedediah’s secret.  

        He himself did not yet even believe Octavius’ decision, though the general was adamant about his opinion.  Jedediah was, all of the sudden, never to over exert himself, and he was to be kept out of sight because oh, Gods forbid anyone finds out without Octavius having told them.  He coddled Jedediah and smuggled him everywhere he went, trying to keep him as much away from everyone as he could.  The cowboy wasn’t complaining, either; a cloudy haze had settled over his consciousness since Octavius had laid out the “truth”.  Nothing this partner said really registered, there was too much fog in his mind, composed of his own phrases of “no” and “maybe” that ricocheted and fought for control of his emotions.  It rendered him limp, so Octavius dragged him along, on his quest for what exactly Jedediah could not determine, not that he would be determining much until he got a hold of his head.  Octavius had a reason for wandering with a frown on his face and for keeping a _very tight_ grip.

        Octavius was a general, that was a fact which all knew in the museum.  This mean he was supposed to be a strategist, a problem solver, yet…

_If it’s actually developing inside of him, we’ve got a long nine months… no, he’s going to want to be rid of it… not that I’d have any idea how.  Maybe we should just… maybe just wait and… I don’t want to keep it.  I have no attachment to this thing.  Why would I…_ It was a filthy mess of drama to be, and Gods, if this really was all the work of the doctors, who knew what they might have done to… fail-safe the baby.  Octavius could almost hear the scientists voice, grim and deep:

        “If you destroy my experiment, it will indeed destroy you.  Would you like to watch your lover perish at your hand?”  It was sickening, it was probable, and it gave Octavius a headache.

        They finally reached the side of the Western exhibit and both sat against the wall, Jedediah merely grunting as the Roman lowered him down.  “Why us?”  He asked the seemingly not-so-awake man beside him.  It was, effectively, a rhetorical question, and the general had not been expecting an answer when the cowboy opened his mouth:

        “They knew I were...I was oughtta… I am.. I were… n-not a cowboy…?  C-cowboy… it ain’t… that’s not… the word, I’m lookin fer… Coward.  Tha’s what he knew I were.  Knew I wouldn’t try nothin'… nothin'  _risque_.”  

        Octavius looked to the cowboy with wide eyes and blinked.  That was the most cohesive thing he had said all day, and it was astoundingly... correct.  The general grabbed Jedediah’s shoulder and shook him good-naturedly.  “It’s obvious then that they underestimated you, hm?”

        Jedediah was back to his mumbling.

…

        Octavius realized that if the next few weeks were going to be anything like Jedediah’s previous periods of symptoms, then he was going to be mentally alone for a while.  Suddenly, his partner as a whole was a secret, almost a time bomb, an analogy that sent shivers down the roman’s spine. _Nine months, then the bomb would explode… make that more like 7 months._

        “Explode??”  Octavius questioned himself aloud.  That sounded horrifying.  Suddenly he was starting to envision the real course of this… pregnancy…  The word made him quiver, but with his thoughts set, the questions about his and Jedediah’s future rolled in.   _Who will find out?  Would McPhee have Jedediah destroyed while he was frozen?  Would Larry disown us?_

_How in the name of sweet Venus is he going to expel that thing?_

        Both the terms explode and expel had Octavius breaking out in a cold sweat.  Everything had gone immediately out of his control the second he opened his big mouth to tell those “friendly new exhibits” about his relationship with Jedediah; the fault was his.  Everything was going grey, and the tiny roman found himself in the same situation as his partner mentally.  

        “The fault is mine.”

        “Takes two.”

        In the haze, Octavius found his own speech resonating with Jedediah’s to make a harmonizing cacophony he could visualize mentalize.  It was quiet around them, but the prospect of a child had the world crashing down around them.  In the midst of this mid-life-crisis, they were approached by a few cowboys who were forced to assume the two were intoxicated.

…

        It was Larry the next day who told them they had frozen sitting there.  

        A day of being dead had done wonders to clear their heads, and after a few questions from the inquisitive night guard, they were alone once more.  Octavius turned to his partner and grabbed his shoulders, “Jedediah!  Are you alright??”  The cowboy winced, holding the general’s face in his hands.

        “Don’t yell at me, Ockie.”  He giggled a bit.  “I’m fine.”  Octavius himself started to laugh a little at this, at how silly it all was.  It wasn’t long before they were slack with uproarious laughter in each other’s arms.

        “We’re crazy!”  Octavius mused, wiping tears from his eyes.  Jedediah grinned at him.

        “Wouldn’t that be damn swell?  Hey, maybe if we keep this up, Larry will think we’ve lost our marbles and not question the fact you think I’m havin’ yer kid!”  Octavius held Jedediah as laughter rocked the two of him.  “Will he still think it’s all just in our heads when you give birth to the damned thing??”  He huffed.  Jedediah slapped him, but never stopped smiling.

        “At that point, who’d be much to care?”  Jedediah was hooting, they both were, but it occurred to Octavius that this was the cowboy’s first affirmation of some sort of acceptance.  Him being at least partially alright with the ordeal would make things much, much easier.

        With that, Octavius, who saw no more humor in the situation, kept laughing.  It was all he could think to do to somehow guide his lover into any sort of security of the situation.  Laugh it off, then let it sink in.  Jedediah seemed just tickled to joke at the prospects of his future, but Octavius saw how twisted all their gaiety was.

        “H-hey, Oc!!  Oc we're gonna give some poor sorry soul their birthday!”  He kept laughing.  Octavius drew him in close, wrapping his arms around Jedediah’s neck.  He contemplated trying to touch Jed’s stomach, but figured it would certainly be overstepping his boundaries and the fragile sense of calmness that Jed possessed.  Instead he settled to kiss him heavily, smashing into his mouth and let their tongues do the rest of the laughing in combat with each other.

        By the way the blue shirted arms reached up to pull him in, Octavius knew that Jedediah was through with talking.  That was fine, kissing him left the roman time to think and ponder, and he was never one to argue with those lips.  Maybe, just maybe it would all be alright… they could form some sort of “almost normal life”, of which Octavius prayed to the gods for.  There had to be some goddess of fertility or childbirth that he could kindly ask the favor of assisting his partner…  He would look her up on Larry’s phone.

        Finally, Jedediah pulled away.  He grinned.  “I’m terrified.”  Octavius opened his mouth to speak, but the other man covered his mouth with his left hand and with his right hand grabbed the general’s wrist.  He quickly placed it on his own stomach, winking at the gape mouthed roman.

        “Like this?”  He giggled.  Octavius sat, rigid, and took in a shaky breath.  “Yes.”  He breathed.

        “Just like that.”

 

 


	8. Observation

**Chapter 8**

        He was through with being chronically confused and scared.  Those pestilent feelings were used up, and as the weeks began to pass, Jedediah grew accustomed to the influx of hormones; “whatever it was that Octavius had called it”.  The general seemed to be the knowing force in this new segment of their lives, he was calling the shots.  That was fine, Jed decided, as his personal cluelessness had not lifted.  According to Octavius, they were around three months into this.  He discussed that point with a look of pointed apprehension, and after two minutes of silence and being looked over by the general, Jedediah broke the silence.

        “S’there a problem with bein’ three months in?  I ain’t no genius on this stuff, far from it, but it’s around nine months I really oughtta start worryin, right?”

        Octavius gave a dry laugh.  “If at that point you haven’t worried yourself to the ground, then yes, you might be worrying.  But right now, we probably should discuss how we’re going to keep this all under wraps…”  

        His partner cocked his head, “Whadda ya mean, Oc?  It ain’t like we’re gonna tell accidentally nobody… I mean, I gotta big mouth, but-”

       “No, Jedediah.”  He pointed at the cowboy’s belly.  “It’s going to grow.  We can hope to god those doctors did their job with your survival in mind, but…”  Jed lifted up his shirt, taken aback.  “See?”  Octavius mused awkwardly.  “Already a bump.”

       The westerner was speechless.  The other man was not at all lying, his normal pudge was broadened out and now somewhat stretched to his upper abdomen at his lower ribs.

       “ _Damn_.”

        Octavius sniffed with a small laugh.  “Yes, damn.  And this is only the beginning.  That, Jedediah, is what we have to hide.”

        “Oc, how… how big am I gonna get?”  No more fear in his voice, just curiosity.  This made the roman smile.  He, previously having been standing next to his partner, kneeled next to him and brought his arms around the cowboy’s torso.  He clasped his hands and made a hoop in front of his beau.  “That big.”

        Jedediah pushed at him playfully, “Yer jes’ pullin’ my leg!”

        “I have done no leg pulling, and I’m serious.”  Octavius was smiling wide and collapsed his arms so that he was embracing the other man.  He buried his face in Jed’s neck, thankfully not having his helmet on the be in the way.  Jedediah blushed bright red and grabbed at Octavius’ arms protectively.  “C’mon Ockie, here?  By the wall in… plain sight?”

        Octavius stiffened, quickly taking his arms away and standing back up to readjust himself.  “Yes, you… are right.  That was rather unprofessional of me.”  Jed laughed, holding out a hand so that the general could pull him up.  “What, so now bein’ a “super-miniature sized expecting gay couple” is now a profession?  Shucks babe.  How about we jes’ head home?”

        Octavius was blushing in embarrassment, but nodded.  He helped Jedediah up and they started back toward his living space.

…

        Home brought privacy and peace, so that the two lovers could really hold each other once more and not be afraid of anyone watching.  Also, as far as Jedediah was willing, Octavius was free to observe and examine him.  The cowboy simply grimaced and looked away in embarrassment while his partner lifted his shirt once more, holding it at his collarbone with one hand and surveying his torso with the other.

        “You… you’re beautiful.”  His voice was soft and slow, only making Jed’s face flush red.  “Yeah, yeah…” He grumbled, shutting his eyes tight.  “Why d’ya gotta lookit me so long, Oc?”

        _Because you are incredibly handsome and some masterpiece of the gods?  I’ve seen you like this, and more, many times…_

        “Jedediah…  Are you feeling insecure?  Because I can assure you, you have nothing to be ashamed of, no-”  

        “D’ya hear yerself talkin’, lover boy?  I think I got quite a lot ta’ be ashamed a’.  I mean, fer God’s sake, I’m pretty sure earlier y’all was discussin’ keepin me inside fer good!  I mean, if we don’t want everyone seein me…  I don’t know Oc, I don’t know…”

        Octavius let the cowboy’s shirt fall back down from his grip and kneeled down in front of him.  “Jedediah, I meant that as preservation of our secret and your safety, does that make sense?”

        “Yeah… I guess it ain’t just that though…”  He curled himself up on the bed where he sat.  “It… it’s de-masculinizing, y’feel me, toga boy?”  Octavius let a sympathetic sigh escape his throat and patted his partners knee.  “Ah, I see.  I understand you would feel that way, but you are no less a man than Larry, or Ahkmenrah, or I.  You’re also quite brave for all this, you know that?”

        Jedediah looked up to him and gave a small smile.  “I still don’t feel all that manly, but you are makin’ me feel better.  Thanks, Ockie.”  The roman took off his partners hat and tousled his hair.  He kissed him on the forehead and smiled, “Any time, my love.”  They sat then, in silence, each with his own thoughts, and it was in that position they froze at dawn.

…

        “D’ya think we oughtta tell Larry?”

        “Jedediah, remember, we are not telling him.  If he figures out on his own, that’s his problem.”

        “You know he is gonna find out, doncha?”

        “I’m quite aware.  But he doesnt know yet.”


	9. "Yet" Being the Operative Term

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HERES SOME STUFF FOR YOU BEFORE I LEAVE FOR 5 DAYS. ENJOY BABS

**Chapter 9**

 

        Two months passed.  Larry was seeing the miniatures less and less.  Octavius would occasionally show himself, walking between the Western and Roman dioramas, but even that was an immoderate instance.  Five months had gone by since the horrors of the WWII exhibit, yet Larry still found himself in the dark about what had really happened and why Jed and Octavius were keeping out of sight.  One night, he actually witnessed the Roman walking toward the Western exhibit, holding Jedediah close as they came.  This was a sight to behold, as Jedediah had seemingly not existed to the world for many weeks.  The night guard decided not to speak then, but made a vow to catch Octavius and interrogate him as to what in the world was wrong.

        His chance came 3 nights later, when the general was making his early night way to his own diorama.  He was wearing an outfit that was not his, and almost at a run when Larry spoke.  “Octavius, what are you doing?”

        The tiny roman jumped and made a high pitched squeak, turning to face…

        “Oh, my liege, forgive me for raising my voice.”  He brushed at his clothing to remove some creasings in the fabric and tried to smile nonchalantly at the night guard.  “Is there something I can… do for you?”  Larry furrowed his brows and extended his palm.  “Can we talk on the bench?  You and I?”  Octavius’ eyes widened in horror for a second, but then he seemed to compose himself.  He lept up onto Larry’s hand.  “Surely!  What is it which you would wish to discuss, Laurence?”

        Larry took Octavius and set him on top of the bench, sitting in the seat so he could view the man.  “Okay, Octavius…  I don’t even want to ask why you were in the Western exhibit when you woke up this morning.  Do you do that a lot?  No, nevermind, whatever.  I wanna know what’s the hell has been up with you and Jed.  I mean I knew you guys were at least ‘pals’, but I hardly ever see either of you these days.  Are you… I don’t know, planning something?  Is something wrong?”

        Octavius’ mouth had slowly become a round “oh?” shape in amazement and confusion.  “L...Larry.  Neither Jedediah nor I are in any of harm’s way, what does it matter if you can see us or not?”  The larger man gave him a pointed stare.

        “I’m just trying to look out for you, guard you, it’s my job, right?  I’m supposed to know everything that goes on-”  

        “Or McPhee will bite your head off?”

         The Roman’s interjection had Larry stifling a laugh.  “Yeah, yeah that’s pretty much it.”  Octavius smiled and sighed internally with relief.  “Come, Larry, McPhee doesn’t care what we do during the night-”

        “But that doesn’t mean I don’t.  And I very much do, so I think you should tell me what’s going on.”  Octavius was frozen again, unable to look into the night guard’s eyes.  “Well… you see…”

        Larry shook his head exasperatedly, “What, Octavius? Do you want this to be a guessing game?”

        The general was silent.

        “Did you two have like a friend-break-up?”

        Still silence.

        “What, then, like a real-break-up?”

        “No!”  Octavius stepped back in revulsion.  He took two deep breaths, trying to regain his composure.  “Why...what makes you say that, Larry?”

        Larry had seen Octavius’ look.  The Roman had indeed betrayed part, if not all of the truth.  The night guard was about to respond when a shadow passed over Larry’s body.  

        “Oh, Octavius.  Don’t play so coy.  Everyone knew you two were gay.”

        They both started and turned to see that the tall figure on the other side of the bench was none other than the pharaoh Ahkmenrah.  Larry slumped and put his face in his hands.  “Ahk, I’m too old for you to go on scaring me like that.”  The pharaoh laughed at him, “You’re, what… thirty-five?  Anyhow,”  He turned to the small general, “Greetings, Octavius.  And good evening to the both of you.”  Larry nodded.  “Thanks, Ahk, thanks, but I’m kinda trying to have a little heart-to-heart with our little friend here.  Can we continue?”

        Ahkmenrah huffed.  “Well I suppose so.  But I’d really thought you might like to see this.”  The pharaoh’s bronze arms lifted to show his hands clasped  as if holding something inside.  Muffled shouts echoed from inside and Octavius gasped.

        “Jedediah?  JEDEDIAH!  UNHAND HIM YOU EGYPTIAN BUFFOON!”

        Ahkmenrah opened his hands up, but did not move so that Jed could escape.  “I found this little cowboy making a run for your office by the back, Larry.”  The night guard raised his eyebrows.  Jedediah himself was curled up, holding his knees close to his chest and his head was down.

        Octavius knew why.  Five months of something unexplainable was hiding under Jedediah’s limbs.  Larry just looked at him, confused.  “Jed, what did you want in my office?”

        The cowboy kept his head low.  “Aw, ‘s nothin’, nothin’ really.  Nicky jes’ uh… He said once you had some a’ them cheesy chips in there?  An’ I just…”

        “You went to my office to steal Doritos.”

        Jedediah lifted his head now, and Octavius looked at him incredulously.   _CRAVINGS?_  He mouthed.

      _SHUT YER MOUTH._  Came the silent reply.

        Ahkmenrah shrugged.  “He hadn’t gotten too far, I just assumed that was his path.  Not much faster than a slug, he was, especially with his belly.”

        Jedediah was turning red and squeezing himself closer together.

        Octavius look slowly from his partner to Ahkmenrah, who merely shrugged.

        “I’d hardly have believed a tiny plastic figure could accumulate weight like that, but…”

        Now Larry looked at Octavius.  The tiny Roman felt as if he were melting down under the night guard’s gaze.  “Jedediah?”  He questioned, turning.  “Is everything alright?”

        The little man was shaking.  “P… Put me down.  I wanna go home.”  Octavius looked to Larry imploringly, and the night guard finally shrugged.  “Ahk, just set him down with Octavius for now.  Please, Jed, you don’t have to hide anything.”

        “‘S EASY FER YOU TA’ SAY,  GIGANTOR!”  He screamed into his legs.  But as Ahk plucked him out of his palm, gravity got the better of him and Jedediah, body and all, was on display for the world to see.

        A soft “holy shit” hissed from Larry’s barely parted lips.  Jed squirmed and hit at Ahkmenrah’s hand, falling down onto the bench.  Octavius ran to him and held him as the cowboy curled up.  His eyes turned, with fury, to Larry.

        “WHY CAN YOU NOT LEAVE US BE?”  His voice was nearing an angry wail.  Larry put up his hands in defence, still winded from the sight of Jedediah’s body.

        “I… I just want to know what’s going on, Octavius.  Jedediah?”  He himself was shivering slightly.  

        “Let him go, Laurence.”  It was no longer a question.  “Ahkmenrah, take him to the Western exhibit.  And for the gods sake, stop looking at him.”  The general's voice was even and tired, as was his expression, eyes trained steadily on Larry.  Ahkmenrah did as he was told and set Jedediah back by one of the houses, which he darted inside.

        Octavius sighed in some relief.  “Thank you.  Now, Larry, I am willing to discuss this with you fully and openly, if of course you can listen.”

        Larry sighed, “Octavius, just tell me.”

        “Can you keep an open mind?  Like… really wide open?”

        “Yes.  I can.”

        Air filled the general’s lungs and he took in a deep breath.  “It is in relation to the night with the doctors.  And his stomach is enlarged for a reason.”

        Larry waited.  “That reason is?”

        “He’s… he’s carrying a child, Larry.  My child.  The doctors changed him and he’s…”  Another deep breath.

        “Pregnant.”

…

        Two hours later, they had finally reached some sort of understanding.

        “And it’s yours?”  The night guard had asked.  “Yes.  They took my seed and… I have no idea how it’s happening.  But it is.  Now you know.”

        “How exciting!”  Came a voice that was certainly not Larry.

        Ahkmenrah was still there.  Larry was scared again.  But the truth was out.

        The truth was out.


	10. Not A Blessing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ive been gone a while. you know the drill. i use everyone's excuse, school, blah blah, to be honest, i just haven't gotten to this story. the way it shall play is definitely an important point in my mind as of now. this story is what I do at 1 in the morning, lets see if it shows :D

Chapter 10

 

       “NO!”

       “Jedediah-”

       “WHADDA YA MEAN, ‘E WANTS TO TALK TO ME?  THAT SON OF A-”

       “Jedediah.  He is worried for you.  I, too, still shall hold against him the idiotic way he acted upon discovering your condition, but really, you weren’t so quick to accept it eith-”

       “IT WEREN’T WHEN YA TOLD ‘IM I WAS PREGNANT ‘IS HEAD FLIPPED A BITCH!  YOU KNOW DAMN WELL HE WAS TERRIFIED JES’ BY LOOKIN’ AT ME!”

       “You really must calm down.  I know that.  Larry knows that.  He is an empathetic person, and, afterwards in retrospect, he apologized.”

       Since the reveal of Jedediah’s pregnancy and the ‘incident’ with Larry, both Jedediah and Octavius had spent a fair few days in isolation, the roman trying desperately to console his perturbed partner.  The afflicted man was in constant stubborn hysterics; and Octavius knew that, as much as he thought he could keep himself cooped up, he was a cowboy and he needed to be outside.  Of course, that involved sparking up a chat with the lovely night guard, which the prospect of sent Jed up a wall.

       They needed to talk to Larry again.  To settle Jed down with some closure, maybe, but also because Octavius felt the importance of speaking to him personally.  

       If he were honest, he was terrified.  The future spelled something that might have looked like “shitstorm”  if it were written on a paper, and Octavius felt that he didn’t even have the power to try and convey his terror in writing.  But he could tell Larry.  Larry had a son.  Larry had been in his exact position, give or take a y chromosome.  Larry was, in a sense, their mortal god; if he could not help them, no one could.

       “Jedediah.  We need to see Larry.  He might be able to help us!”

       “Help my ass, Octy!  I ain’t talkin to ‘im.  If you wanna go laugh at me with him, fine, bu-”

       “I’m not taking you to see him to laugh at you.  If I wanted to laugh at you for this I would have done so, and a long time ago.  The truth, Jedediah, is that you and this ‘thing’ are royally fucked unless he can find some way to help us figure this out.  Do you think everything’s going to just end gracefully in a few months and we’ll be able to cope with the whole situation alone?  No!”

       Finally Jedediah was quiet.  The concept of the actual end?  The ‘holy-shit-here-comes-the-baby” and “holy-shit-here-it-is” end?  In all truth, he had been avoiding the thought of it.

       “Look, It’s rather apparent that the entire reality of this is crashing down on you all at once.  You need to understand, Jed, and I need you to listen to me.”

       Jedediah nodded, because absolutely everything was crashing down on his head and the weight of their future came heavily to his shoulders to accompany the weight he carried in front of him.

       “It’s beyond me why you haven’t asked me to try to kill it.  It would appear we both share a similar fear as to what that might do to you but I am still not against the proposition.”

       That was fair.  This thing, that damn bastard inside of him had been nothing but burden and a plague on his questionable existence.  But it was apparent they both shared a similar fear of the entity Jedediah’s fate upon trying to remove the “child”; otherwise disposing of it would have been each’s first order of business.  It wasn’t a blessing.

       “Though, if, for any reason you think that maybe you’d like to carry this through…”  Octavius exhaled slowly and deeply.  “I’m going to need your promise to try and understand all that’s going on.  And part of that will involve seeking assistance from the night guard.  Understood?”

       At this point, the cowboy could only respond by nodding numbly.  He had been resting against the wall, mindlessly massaging at his abdomen.  A frown was embedding itself deeper and deeper into his face, and finally he let out a dry cough.

       “I’m fucked.”  

       Octavius smiled at him, offering both hands to help him up.  “We’re fucked.  Together.  I’m with you, my love.”

       Jed scoffed, smiling wryly as he slowly stood up.  “Alright.”  He muttered.  “Time to deal with Larry.”

…

       Larry and Ahkmenrah had taken turns watching over the miniatures’ dioramas since their last conversation, waiting desperately to hear more on Jedediah’s story.  To find out how in hell he had lasted… How long?  Five months, Octavius had mentioned.  More than halfway through a normal pregnancy, though now seemed an inappropriate time to tread lightly with the term “normal”.  The situation and it’s undergoers were still a baffling thought to the night guard.

       It had been Ahkmenrah’s turn to watch.  His gaze swept lazily back and forth, from the Roman to the Western diorama, bored with this idle task.  The stakes of current drama were rather high, and that had him on toes, yet after two hours the edge was gone.

       Then, shouting.  That small, incoherent, twanged shouting that most of the exhibits could place anywhere.  Ahkmenrah could hardly keep himself from giggling as he whispered the perpetrator's name.

       “Oh, Jedediah~.”

       Not ten minutes later they were out, both of them, Jedediah and Octavius.  Ahk, in spite of himself, smiled at the way Jed still tried to hide his gut from all the eyes he imagined were trained on him.

       “Hello, boys.”  He spoke smoothly.  “I assume you’re looking for Larry?”

       The cowboy pursed his lips together in a grumpish frown, and Octavius giggled nervously.  “Yes, my liege, I seek to converse with him.”  He held tightly to his partner’s hand, which was was reluctant and quivering.  Ahkmenrah stood up and shook his stiff legs, “I’ll be right back.  Don’t go anywhere.”

       True to his word, the pharaoh was back within a short while, trailing behind a hasty night guard.  Jedediah cowered slightly, yet his lover’s tight grip on his hand gave him a small boost of confidence.  Larry took the initiative that trying to move the two over to the bench was a lost cause, so he sat quickly on the ground and scooted to the edge of the exhibit.

       “So!”  He began cheerily, “We’ve got some serious things to discuss, haven’t we?”

…

       After a demanded apology by Larry to an otherwise rather taciturn Jedediah, it was down to business.

       Larry cleared his throat.  “The first thing I want to ask is, have you two really considered how amazing this is?  Neither of you is alive, both of you are men, yet one of you is carrying a growing child.  I mean, you got me, guys!  I’m absolutely floored that any of this has managed to work.”  

       In hindsight of the situation, Larry had been far too cheerful.  Had it been to convince himself or the miniatures that things would be alright, it was hard to tell.

       Octavius nodded.  “Trust me, Larry, it occupies my every waking thought.  But that’s not what I came to discuss.  We’re here to ask you about this looming future.”

       The larger man nodded, shifting one hand in the direction of the Roman general.  “Oct, what do you even think you’ll do?”  He looked then to the cowboy, “Jed, do you have any idea at all what you are in for?”  The two gave small, shameful shrugs, though Octavius stepped forward.  “I’m quite aware of how we would deliver the child, if of course it carries to term.  I was raised on the story of my great ancestor’s birth, which after our family’s title was aptly named.”

       It only took Larry a minute to recall the Roman’s ancestral history and the title, Caesar, of which he spoke.

       “They do call it a caesarian section now, yes?”

       Larry nodded.  The general seemed to have finished his piece, and Jed seemed content to stay quiet, so he hummed up another thought.

       “Alright, uh, yeah, that makes sense.  But uh… Do we really know what’s going on inside of you, Jed?  Like, if the baby is coming to life like you and falling in and out of existence or something like that?  How the Hell is it growing, then??  Does this thing die inside of you everytime the sun rises?”

       Finally, Jedediah seemed to respond.  “No….  That’s damn horrifying, and… and…”      

       “Impractical?”  His partner guessed.  This yielded a general consensus on the topic, though Larry finished out the through with an attempt to assuage the cowboy’s anxiety, that ‘whatever’s inside of you was growing, so it can’t be too dead, yes?’  To this, the couple had timorously agreed.

       Some small amounts of uninterested conversation came to pass, but finally Larry’s inability to make headway against the duo’s embarrassment lead him to give up.

       “So just… Go about your ‘lives’ as you’ve been doing, I guess?”  Both nodded fervently, wanting as much as they had to speak with Larry to now be as far from him as possible.  They knew the score, and all that was left was to play their best at the rest of the song.  Five bars down in a Nine Bar Blues.

 

 


	11. The Entire Museum Gains a Sense of Humor (And They Lose Octavius)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops i was gone for a long time also my writing style changed to involve a lot of crappy humor. sincerest apologies for that. also I have no idea if there are any spelling or grammatical or plot errors. feel free to leave notice of any of those in the comment section.

Chapter 11

 

       It was by some fate that both Larry and Ahkmenrah had come to the hall of miniatures that day, and that same fate they presumed the silence in the room was a simple result of late waking.  Two more months had passed since the last great get-together and pep talk involving Larry and the miniatures, but he and Ahk often still kept watch anyway, just in case of the worst.  Indeed, everyone feared the worst; what the worst was, none knew, but it was to be feared.  Larry thanked God(or the gods, the museum tries to stay open minded) for some peace and quiet.  He and Ahk took the chance to be alone together in the tranquility, sitting on the bench, each enjoying the other’s simple company.

       Jedediah’s pregnancy was the the most jarringly obvious topic, but it went unspoken by some agreement of dignity.  It seemed like talking behind the small cowboy’s back, each supposed.  Instead, they made small talk and held hands, much as a normal couple would do, sitting and trying to maybe pretend for as long as they could that everything was normal, everything was fine-

       “WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?”

       Larry somehow managed to sigh with exasperation and raise his eyes in curiosity all at once.  Ahk would have laughed, had he not been very aware of who was yelling.  Both stood and wandered slowly towards the box exhibit windows where the scream had seemed to originate from.  As soon as they were near, Jedediah himself waddled out as fast as he could, skin some strange amalgamation of fearful white and intense cardio-induced red.  Larry couldn’t tell if he was sweating or crying.  He assumed it was both.

       “Where is who, Jedediah?”  He tried to ask calmly, offering a hand for the cowboy to hop onto.  Jed, still panting and secreting some liquid from his face, shook his head.  “L-look, Gigantor, y’all gotta help!  Ocky’s gone missing and he still isn’t back!  Normally if he gets all mopey, he goes missing and comes back, but he’s not back!”  Incidentally, he was shaking too.  Larry looked at Ahkmenrah and knew his partner understood the look, I don’t get payed enough.

       “Not nearly enough…”  Ahk said softly and kissed Larry’s cheek.  “Now, Jedediah.  When did you last see him?”  Jedediah sat, giving up on his legs, and put his head in his hands.  “Last night, as the sun rose, I held him myself!  And he was happy, and- and not at all seemin’ in a ‘run away’ kinda mood!”

       Ahk put his hand on the table forcefully.  “Then we’ve got to find him!  We can find him… Can’t we, Larry?”

       “What, Ahk, what did you say?  Of course we can find Octavius!  I’m sure he’s around.  Ahk, did you check in your crown?”

       Ahk’s face drew a blank.  “You know, I didn’t think of that.”  He took off the helm and shook it, but found no small Roman general inside.  “Jedediah, how about you keep looking here, and Larry and I will start a search party around the museum?  One of us is bound to find him!”  Larry looked towards him again.  Yes, false hope!  That stuff works miracles!

       Jedediah shook his head, then nodded.  “I’ll keep lookin’, hope I find ‘im soon.  He… can’t just leave me now, not when… forget it.  See y’all round.”

       Ahkmenrah frowned.  “Larry, we’ve got to find him.  Things are serious now, think, what would Erica have done had she not had you there with her when little Nicky was born?”

       “Well, I wasn’t there.”  Larry shook his head.  “I was trying to find a job, none of her calls got through.  I think that’s part of why she hates me.”  Ahk gave a small recoil, “That is pretty bad.  But no matter!  Jedediah shall not be alone in his time of need.  Horus only knows he’s not going to let any of us help him.”

       And with that, they began the search.  No trashcan was safe from their prying eyes, no nook or cranny spared a once-over.  Larry managed to get Teddy in on the search party, and he convinced Sacagawea to accompany him.  If anyone could find the missing miniature, it was her, and as soon as she realized she was the museums and Jedediah’s only hope, she willingly began her own escapade.

       As she started with a quick glance around the halls, Sacagawea formated her plan.  This was certainly going to be quite a bit tougher than finding the oaf Lancelot, but staying optimistic was key.  As was a plan, which she devised as she walked.  With no large tracks to follow, save any small imprints in the dust made by the sweeping of his cape, the only real trail would arise from lost articles of clothing.  She figured his clothing was reconstructed poorly enough to leave traces in his wake.  The tablet revitalized that very same lost mass every evening, so it always had a chance to fall off again.  Leather, metal, other miscellaneous fabric; they were all candidates.  Her prime search areas were near Octavius’ and Jedediah’s exhibits, but except from a few awkward testimonies by his men, no one and no thing gave witness to the general’s whereabouts.  Sacagawea was not deterred, and continued to look in the main hall, meeting up with Teddy there and discussing their findings.

       “Have you seen the little man yet?”  He asked sadly.  “I haven’t caught head or tail of him…”  Wea shook her head as well.  “He is not anywhere I can gather as of yet, but there’s no possible way he could be any farther than a few meters from the exhibit.  He’s simply too small and too hindered by his garments.  But no, I still have not seen him.”

       Teddy bent down and gave her a short kiss on the forehead before gently flicking Texas’ reins and sauntering off.  Sacagawea continued on her own, still diligently searching.

        For Ahkmenrah and Larry, things were going quite the same way.  Even at one in the morning, they were still looking for the lost Roman.  After Ahk had twice again checked his hat, Larry confiscated it with a grumble and a higher than usual sense of grumpiness.  This was his museum, parts of it weren’t just supposed to ‘wander off’.  If they didn’t find Octavius, Jedediah would kill him, and then Mcphee would kill him again.  Then Jedediah again for good measure.

       ...

       Soon enough, each wannabe Sherlock was back at the hall of miniatures, tail between their legs in disappointment.  Even Wea, slightly later, came back in defeat.  Jedediah was still sitting right where he had plopped down earlier, tears on his cheeks and wetting his bandana.  “Don’t even tell me.”  He wiped at his eyes and looked up, face grim.  “I’ve got half a mind to kick his ass if I ever see him again.”  Larry shrugged awkwardly, that was what Erica had done.  Yet Octavius didn’t seem the kind to desert, and the night guard found himself utterly confounded at the idea.  Where had he gone?  Had he been kidnapped?  Was it the ugly mistake of some curious child to pluck him away from his lover and friends?

       No, Larry decided, that was too obvious.  This was a mystery on their hands!


End file.
